Memory
by Aldraia Dragonsong
Summary: [Mystery Dungeon] What you need to understand is that I wanted to forget.


I wanted to forget.

That is what you need to understand. I was willing to jump through a portal I was not even certain would work, aware that it would wipe away almost everything I knew.

They asked me several times if I was certain. Warned me of the danger.

"You will forget everything," they said, "all that you have done, all that you have been."

And you know what I said?

"I don't care."

And I meant it. I did not care if I forgot everything. I _wanted_ to forget everything. Memory meant nothing to me, less than nothing. It was no precious treasure that I wished to keep close. It was a burden, one I had no wish to bear, one I was all too willing to set down.

They asked me questions, assessing me. I was warned, before the test, to answer honestly or the results would mean nothing.

But I knew what kind of person I was. So instead of answering the questions as the person that I was, I answered them as the person that I wanted to be.

I answered the questions like a person who could trust, even though I was too suspicious to trust anyone. I answered the questions like a person who still believed in something, even though all my faith had long since died away.

And not much later I went through the portal and left my old life behind.

And I opened my eyes and you were there, and all I knew was that I was supposed to be human but had become a Pokémon.

I did not even give you the right name; I gave you a name I had always liked but not the one I was born with. Because I forgot even that.

But I opened my eyes and you were there and do you know what?

I trusted you.

The moment I saw you, I trusted you. It made no sense in light of who I had been, but I was no longer that person. I had forgotten ever being that person, and so I became what I had claimed to be, I became what I wanted to be.

Those first few days, there were quite a few ways I could have gone. I had to reconstruct a personality from nothing.

You were the one who helped me the most with that.

You were the one who showed me how to trust, because no matter what happened you always backed me up, you always believed in me. You were the one who showed me how to care about someone I had never met before that moment.

You were the one who showed me how to love, who showed me what love was.

You taught me through your actions that we should help anyone who asks. You taught me through your words how to live in this strange new world.

You taught me through your actions that there is nothing a Pokémon will not do for their true friends.

You ran away that morning with me, not knowing if we could ever return. You climbed three mountains for my sake, though one was a volcano and the other two were covered in snow.

You went with me into a cavern filled with boiling lava, and then you climbed with me a tower in the sky, for the sake of all the world.

You never once doubted anything I said, no matter how ridiculous it was. It was all true, of course, but some of it was quite difficult to believe.

And I wanted to return the faith you showed in me.

I could not remember the time when I would not have been able to do so. I could not remember that I was far unworthy of all you gave me.

I had only my faith and my conviction that if I believed I could do anything.

Which is funny, because before I came here I had neither of those things.

I stepped through that portal away from my past and every moment since has been far better than any moment prior.

Yes, even that time in Lapis Cave was an improvement. I was still happy even then, and even when we climbed Mount Blaze, and do you know why? Because you were there.

You were with me. You believed in me.

Before I met you, I never had that.

And so when I rose up and remembered, I realized that I had no desire to go back to what I had been.

Because I hated the person I was. And I loved the person I became.

Back there, I could never have done it. If I had not forgotten, I could never have reached this point.

You see, even though I remember, I am still the same one you have known. I have more knowledge now, and perhaps I am just a little less naive, a little quieter. Still, memory only changed me a little, because I did not want to change.

But I still have much to learn.

You taught me something else, only a little while ago. Yes, back there in the Murky Cave. Well, you and Gengar and Gardevoir, but still.

You taught me about forgiveness.

The person I was could never forgive. The person I was could hold a grudge for ten years and keep it as fresh as the day it began.

I cannot do that anymore, not since I came through the portal. And you showed me why that was a good thing.

You and Gengar and Gardevoir showed me that even a selfish person can care about others, and even an evil one can do good deeds.

I learned a very important lesson from you: the dangers of absolutism.

So here I am, and though I have changed, I am still your friend. I just wanted to tell you, now that I remember.

All right?

...

I thought you would say that.


End file.
